


The Dinner Party

by Banner4Hetalia



Series: Deadpool's Many Moments [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Peter is a Little Shit, Protective Steve Rogers, Tony and his amazing playlist, Tony is done, food used at sexual demonstration, lobster puppets, mama steve just wants a wedding, wade is...wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 14:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20725373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banner4Hetalia/pseuds/Banner4Hetalia
Summary: What started it all





	The Dinner Party

It was a average enough night for Tony Stark, if by average you are filthy stinking rich. He defeated the daily bad guy who tried to take over earlier, (with sentient marshmallow peeps -they were vicious and Tony would shiver every Easter thank you very much). Once he got home, and washed off the sticky fluff that was his sugar coated enemy's entrails, he had enough time to go down the workshop for a few hours and realized that it was time for dinner. All he wanted to do at that moment was just have a nice quiet dinner with his husband Steve. Whom was apparently cooking a feast in their penthouse kitchen.

“Steve?” Tony wondered why there were several dishes on the counter, consisting of meat and potatoes.

“Why are you cooking all of this?” Not that he minded cause Steve looked hot in that apron of his. He was wondering why he was cooking all of this wholesome Betty Crocker reminiscent food.

“You know that I can call and get us gourmet food delivered in about an hour if we needed to.”

“I know, but tonight is special Tony. Peter called, he and Wade are coming over to tell us something important. I think they're getting married.” Steve looked happy at the though of Peter getting married, even if It was to that psychopath Wade Wilson.

Tony's eyes widened at the though of that crazy mask wearing lunatic in his house, not just the tower, but his own private space. “Steve, I just stopped having that nightmare, please don't talk about things like that.” Tony was horrified, yeah he would be happy for his son, but the though of been related in ANY sort of way to Wade was well, less than pleasant.

“Tony, this is our son. You know he loves Wade.”

“It's just a phase Steve, remember that week when he thought Barton was cool, it was just a phase.” Tony wanted to pray to just about anything that his son wouldn't marry Deadpool.

“Tony, he's been with him for over three years. It's not a phase. Now help me get everything ready. They'll be here in in two hours.”

“Oh no Steve, If they're coming over.” Pausing for dramatic effect..” We're doing this right. I'm ordering out for lobster.” Tony said as he reached for his phone to call.

“Why are you ordering lobster at this hour?”

“Because Steve, I want him to know how poor he is. He won't be able to get lobster in that hellhole where he lives. They'll cook roaches Steve. Is that what you want Steve. Our son to eat roaches! Rusty crusty sewer dwelling shit bugs!!!”

Steve glared and untied his very manly (frilly pink) apron. “You know lobster is basically sea roaches, if we are being honest.”

“500 Buck roaches Steeeebb” Tony whined and stomped his foot like a petulant 3-year-old.

The gracious Captain just shook his head at the engineers antics. “500 or 5.00, still a bug. Ask Bruce.”

“Stop getting my science bro on your side Steve! That is Cheating you filthy bro stealer, no cookie for you tonight.”

“Maybe I don't want your cookie.” Rogers said crossing his arms.

To this Stark looked aghast and leaned back as if shot in the heart. “My cookie is delicious! You always want my cookies!”

“Tony...this is just dinner can you calm down and let me cook something.”

“No, me and my cookie are ordering out now go put on that Westwood suit I got you for your birthday. The dark blue one that goes with your American western sky eyes honey bunny.”

“Fine, I will...only because I don't have the energy for this.”

Tony grinned. “ Yep save up that energy for later soldier boy!”

“Shut up...” Steve muttered wandering off down the hall way to their shared bed room to change. He would let Tony have his way ...for now.

**~A few hours later with our favorite Spideypool couple~**

“Wade, why are you fighting me on this? We have to tell them. I think they're gonna notice soon enough if we don't.” Peter was wondering why Wade was so nervous to tell his parents the news.

I'm wondering myself as well, this is Deadpool y'all. This dude would leap off the Empire State building for a chimichanga. He unalived people for a living for Pete's sake!

“Oh come on author! A guy has to make some decent scratch in this city! How else can I afford my fuzzy unicorn slippers and kick ass apartment..and bobs special treats! You love bob! The readers love Bob! besides you know why I'm nervous you vindictive woman!” Deadpool yelled to no one as he and Peter stepped into the elevator.

“Wade, who are you talking to?” Even though they been together for the last few years, Peter would never get used to Wade's weirdness.

“The author, who is a sadistic bitch. Screw her though, you know why I'm nervous baby boy. What if you're parents take the news bad. I'm not their favorite person. Wouldn't be surprised if you're dad put a hit out on me, or your other dad throws his little Frisbee at me.”

Peter just smiled at his boyfriend, “Wade, everything's gonna be okay. Tonight's gonna go great.”

The elevator's doors finally opened to a gorgeous living room with what appears to be a beautiful melody and Tony who was in a dark suit sitting at the head of the table that was covered in lobster and other gourmet food.

“Hey dad, this looks awesome.” Peter said as he sat down.

“Yeah mon senior money bags. Nice digs, 10 out-a 10.” Wade said as he sat down at the other end of the table and tried to ass-kiss,”What song is that?”

“Forsaken.” With that the music changed again to 'Cleaning this gun'.

Wow, this dinner's going well.

“You think author?”

The next few minutes were in silence, as Steve had yet to arrive and because Tony was staring Wade down as the song continued on. With the next gem being, 'It never woulda worked out anyway'.

“Me thinks this is subliminal messaging eh readers?”

Wade leaned over to Peter who was trying still calmly waiting for his other dad to join them. “You're hearing these songs right? Can we say dramatic much?”

“Wade, I'm sure dad didn't mean to do this.” With that, the music changed to 'Marry for Money'.

Sensing a theme here everyone?

“This is such a nice song mister Stark. This is one of my favorites.”

Tony just stared Wade down as they waited on Steve, who finally walked in with three buttons on his suit open. “JARVIS, play track nine.”

“Right away Sir.” The music finally changed to ' Mama's got her Boobs out'.

Steve just glared at Tony, who whistled like nothing was wrong, “JARVIS, stop this.”

“Sorry Captain, Sir has a new override.” Steve just mom-glared at Tony who finally backed down and stopped the music altogether.

“Jarvis, I don't care about his override, this will stop or else.”

there was a beat of silence. “Dully noted Captain. Sir I regret to inform you that I will be ending your playlist. 'Dinner with the duffus.'”

The next few minutes were nothing short of awkward as Steve and Peter were both looking at their significant others differently. Steve, who hoped that Tony would stop glaring at Wade at the other end of the table, and Peter, who was wondering what stupid thing Wade would do to get him thrown out of the penthouse window.....again.

Steve decided to be the one to break the ice, “Well Peter, I know you told me that you and Wade has some exciting news for us right?”

“Uhh...yeah, we do have something we wanted to tell you both.” Peter said nervously as he looked at Wade who was happily eating his lobster like nothing was wrong. “Wade, you wanna tell them the good news?”

“Hell yeah I do baby boy!” Wade put down his lobster and stood up, grinning like the idiot he was.

“Well mister Stark and mister Spangles, Peter and I are really happy to tell you both about this, and we wanted you two to be the first to know.”

Tony knew it, this was the end. The beginning of the end, he'd never get rid of this maniac.

“I'm pregnant with your son's seed!” Wade said, lifting up his suit to show his stomach, which was slightly big.

“OH god, it's worse! Peter, it's a tumor, don't believe his lies!” Tony pointed and gestured wildly.

“Peter, that's wonderful!” Steve was excited at the thought of a grandchild. Acting quickly to throw a dinner roll into Tony's mouth to halt his speech (choke) him.

Tony spit out the offending roll. “Steve, did hear him? He's impregnated him, now he'll never leave! How did this happen?” Tony was horrified at the thought of not only being a grandparent, but the fact that the kid would be half of Wade.

Wade proceeded to grab two lobster, once in each hand and a piece of celery.

“Well mister Stark, when a Peter loves a Wade very much, and the Wade has on a stripper's outfit that he borrowed from his neighbor Candy down the hall.”

Peter covered his eyes then muttered. “I think her names Diamond.”

Wade then put one lobster on the table and put the lobster with the celery attached down there on top of that one and proceed to have them 'do it'. Banging the sea crustaceans together making fake moaning sounds. “Afterwards when everyone is all sweaty and-”

“I know how it happened Wade!” Tony just put his head in his hands and shook his head. “Now that's in my brain to add to all my other PTSD.”

This was the beginning of the end for poor Tony, but the beginning of a beautiful story of (soon to be) very pregnant Wade Wilson.


End file.
